...it's joke time

Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?
Anak: Yes, Daddy.
Daddy: Maka-Diyos?
Anak: Sobra Dad.
Daddy: Nasaan siya?
Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!

Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man: Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax; powerful, pero di halata;notorious,
pero wala sabit.
Genie: Mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON.

Two young priests discussing prospects of celibacy.
P1: Do you think Vatican will allow us to get married?
P2: Not in our generation, maybe our children!

Guro: Ibigay ang kahalagahan ng PERIOD!
Pupil: Nang hindi dumating ang PERIOD ni Ate, hinimatay si Mommy,
nastroke is Daddy, at nagbaril sa sarili yong pari namin!

Pres. GMA visited Mental Hospital and talked to a patient.
GMA: Do you know me? I'm the President
Patient: Ah, don't worry, when I came here I used to say I am the President, but we have good doctors, you'll be cured too!

What makes a happy man:
daughter is on the cover of Cosmo;
son is on the cover of Sports Illustrated;
mistress is on the cover of Playboy; and
wife is on the cover of Missing Persons

Doc: Congrats! Tell your husband you're pregnant.
Lady: I'm single.
Doc: Tell your lover.
Lady: There's no lover.
Doc: OK, then. Tell your parents to prepare for the second coming of Christ!

A widow asked a lawyer about her late husband's will.
Lawyer: Your husband left 'all he had' to the Home for the Aged.
Widow: But what about me?
Lawyer: You're "ALL HE HAD."

A man was dying of cancer. One day his son asked: "Dad, why do you keep on telling everybody that you are dying of AIDS?" His reply: "So that when I die no one will f*** your Mom."

Sa loob ng isang motel:
GIRL: "Hu,hu,hu..bakit natin ginawa ito? dl na ko virgin at 2 beses pa nating ginawa!"
BOY: Aba! Isa lang ah!
GIRL: "bakit, hindi mo ba uulitin?"

What Women Say:
TEENAGE GIRL: Kiss me, but marry me.
WIFE: No money, no honey.
MISTRESS: With house, open blouse.
SECRETARY: Forget your wife, always remember me!
KUMARE: Wala ang pare mo, pwede na tayo.
GRO: No pay, no lay.
POKPOK: Money down, panty down.
SALESGIRL: Buy me this dress, I give you happiness.
MADRE: Gusto ko sana, may pari bang kakasa?
BIYUDA: Matagal nang wala, ikaw ay pinagpala.
OLD MAID: Noon pa sana, ngayon, paano na?

DALAGITA: 'Nanay, totoo ba kung saan pinasok ang ANO, doon din lalabas ang bata?"
NANAY: "Oo naman."
DALAGITA: "Di kaya masira ipin ko!?"